Sam

Yeah so its been quite some time since i've updated..

this is the basic new stuff.. school's done.. im goin to 1st shift in may.. im still single.. and hmm.. thats about it.

im kind of pumped about the fact taht i dont have to go to class again until fall.. that just makes my day every morning that i wake up =0)

1st shift will be nice too... then ill be able to have all day to do what i want in the summer.. and i can just go relax on the beach or @ the pool when i get out.. MmMm.. =0)

well im makin food.. so i need to eat.. then work @ 3..

<3

last weekend was a lot of fun.. bur's party.. just havin a good ole time! today was fun.. went to lunch w/ kelli and tracy.. then went and hung out w/ bur.. i <3 her.. lots.. just for the record. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!

ive been sort of confused.. and i brought it up.. and shouldnt have.. because now im just hurting.. and before i was dealing with it. I love him. thats that. that will never change. whether we're together, or not.. no one will ever be him. I wish there was some way that I could make him realize how much I need him as more than my friend. You cant just stop loving someone. maybe its easier for him than it is for me. but im just this way. im me. I cant change the feelings i have. i cant stand to know that he's not w/ me anymore.. he's free to do whatever he wants.. he coudl have another girlfriend tomorrow if he wanted. and that hurts. its like a stab in the heart. i dont get it. if you love someone so much why cant it just work?? i was doing so good, and now im just falling apart. i miss what we had.. i miss him.. i just miss it all.. </3 well i have today and tomorrow off.. maybe i'll get to see *him* at least once?? who knows..

well my weekend was enjoyable. the cabin was a blast. hung out w/ adam on saturday =0) that was fun. Yesterday I went to the mall, then went out for dinner with adam =0) .. Last night me, heather and britt all went to the brickhouse.. taht was awesome. we just danced the night away. mike came and visited to say hi.. it was nice to finally REALLY meet him. hah. gettin ready to go out to dinner w/ the aunts n gma and ally tonight. then maybe goin to see a movie w/ mike afterwards. should be a good time.
back to work tomorrow.. not lookin forward to it. but goin to CHICAGO on friday for the cubs game! woo!! im pumped!!

lata lovas

well its one day closer to friday and ya know what that means.. im pumped!!

maybe ill meet someone new.. who knows?!

but im excited to go w/ chris and susan and everyone else.. it makes me happy

today went by fast.. hope tomorrow does too.. =0)

(im kind of having a rough night.. but im tryin to deal with it on my own.. and hoping i dont have to rely on *him* for it.. because that would make me angry )

goodnight!

so 2 months have passed. and it still feels like it all just happened a few days ago.

i went to the cemetary today.. and couldnt stand to be there for more than 2 minutes. its too hard. still. =0(

i miss her. i miss everything. it sucks when the only way i can visit her.. is to go to the cemetary and stand 8 ft over her. knowing she's down there. and its like being stabbed in the heart. i might just have to hold off going there for awhile yet.

so much in my life has changed. i've gained friends. lost my boyfriend. relationships change.. people change. everything changes.

when i see him. i just see him. he's not REALLY there. its like he's in this bubble and i cant get to him. =0( i guess i just have to get used to it. ill never get what we had back. and thats that.

I just dont wanna live in this life of disappointment anymore.

hopefully Friday makes me feel better. otherwise, im headed nowhere but downhill..

</3.. i miss you mommy..

well this week needs to speed up a little..

i had yesterday off.. but i didnt do anything.. just class then heathers then watched tv the rest of the night..

work today, tomorrow and thursday.. then i have friday off =0) Friday's gonna be a good one.. goin up north w/ Sue n Chris and a ton of other ppl.. gonna party it up!

im tired.. and got so much on my mind right now..

i try to keep my mind occupied.. but it doesnt always work.. i just cant help but miss her.. </3 no math today.. meaning.. i get a nap before work =0) have a good week!

well today was a pretty well spent day i would say.. hah that rhymed.

Went to Audra's.. we hung out n went to Meijer.. and hung out some more.. just drove around and talked about EVERYTHING.. love that girl <3

Went to the fish fry.. then went and met up with mike and the guys @ the bowling alley.. that was a trip.. im prolly movin outta my house real soon n movin in w/ them guys cuz they're crazy.. it'd be a good time..

Came home.. went and met emm @ pablos.. then we went to the big party.. saw LOTS of ppl we know.. it was fun..

til someone had to start talkin shit.. and pulled the "your mom.." comment.. and that was it.. i had to go..

so now im sleepy.. but tomorrow is gonna be AWESOME.. shoppin all day.. then hangin out w/ mike afterwards.. hmm.. and i thought my life wasnt gonna take a turn for the best anytime soon.. things change..

goodnight!

hmm.. so here's the update..

me and eric.. done.. so "we can still be friends".. yeah we'll see how that goes.. it'll take a long time for me to be able to do that..

went to bob evans for lunch yesterday w/ heather, addy and sam.. it was gooood..

worked then went to the bar last night.. good time

class til 11 today.. then hangin out w/ my emmy <3.. i get my hair cut today too.. im hoping it will look cute.. =0)

tomorrow and saturday OFF.. goin to audra's tomorrow.. and outw/ mike on saturday =0) so this weekend should be a good one.. and hopefully it'll keep me busy..

HAVE A GOOD ONE KIDS! <3

Fallen for your best friend?: yeah.. its ok we're friends again
-Made out w/ JUST a friend?: yup
-Been rejected?: too much...
-Been in love?: yup
-Been in lust?: who hasnt..
-Used someone?: yes
-Been used?: yeah
-Cheated on someone?: once.. a long time ago.. never gonna happen again
-Been cheated on?: some tell me i have.. i believe otherwise
-Been kissed?: yup..
-Done something you regret?: plenty of times

Who was the last person...

-You touched?: hmm.. prolly someone @ work
-You talked to?: my dad
-You hugged?: emmy
-You instant messaged?: someone who didnt answer back.. =0/
-You kissed?: emm
-You had sex with?: tricky.. DUH!
-You yelled at?: the guy at BK last night.. or i mean this morning
-You laughed with?: Ruth
-Who broke your heart? Eric.. but he fixed it

Do you...

-Color your hair?: heck yes i do
-Have tattoos?: coming to a body near you soon =0)
-Piercings?: yeah.. ears and belly button
-Have a boyfriend/girlfriend/both?: yuppers.. my eric
-Own a webcam?: nope
-Ever get off the damn computer?: yeah.. occasionally
-Sprechen sie deutsche?: nope
-Habla espanol?: no
-Quack?: sure?

x ] Spell your first name backwards - ahtnamas
[ x ] The story behind your screen name - it all began in Mrs. Frame's class.. and sara's bf wrote "dazzle" on the board or something..
[ x ] Where do you live - skeetown
[ x ] Four words that sum you up - outgoing, lost, confused, loving
[ x ] Wallet - black/white/S on it
[ x ] Hairbrush - it changes daily
[ x ] Toothbrush - white/pink
[ x ] Pillow cover - yellow
[ x ] Blanket - pink and orange.. the one mommy made =0/
[ x ] Coffee cup - say no to coffee
[ x ] Sunglasses - some i bought in florida
[ x ] Underwear - cute n comfy
[ x ] Shoes - flipper floppers
[ x ] Favorite top - i donno?
[ x ] CD in stereo right now - a mixed one
[ x ] Tattoos - none.. yet
[ x ] Piercings - ears, bellybutton
[ x ] What you are wearing now - comfy clothes..
[ x ] Hair - dark brown..
[ x ] Makeup - right now.. nodda
[ x ] In my mouth - nodda
[ x ] In my head - LOTS N LOTS
[ x ] Wishing - that i didnt feel so lonely
[ x ] After this - who knows..
[ x ] Talking to - no one
[ x ] Eating - nodda
[ x ] Fetishes - i dont have any i dont think
[ x ] If you could get away with it and murder anyone, who would it be? nobody
[ x ] Person you wish you could see right now - eric
[ x ] Is next to you - nothing
[ x ] Something you're looking forward to in the upcoming month - in april.. going to chicago w/ eric
[ x ] Something that you are deathly afraid of - being alone.. having no one..
[ x ] Do you like candles - i suppose
[ x ] Do you like hot wax - yes
[ x ] Do you like incense - yes
[ x ] Do you like the taste of blood - not realy
[ x ] Do you believe in love - of course
[ x ] Do you believe in soul mates - yes
[ x ] Do you believe in love at first sight - no
[ x ] Do you believe in Heaven - yes
[ x ] Do you believe in forgiveness - yup but ppl take advantage of it
[ x ] Do you believe in God - yes
[ x ] What do you want done with your body when you die - no idea
[ x ] Who is your worst enemy - dont have one
[ x ] If you could have any animal for a pet, what would it be - MONKEY
[ x ] What is the latest you've ever stayed up - dont know
[ x ] Ever been to Belgium - nope
[ x ] Can you eat with chopsticks - i used to be able to
[ x ] What's your favorite coin - quarter?
[ x ] What are 5 cities you wouldn't mind relocating to - chicago.. somewhere far far away from where im at now
[ x ] What are some of your favorite pig out foods - haagen dacz!
[ x ] What's something that you wish people would understand - Me.
[ x ] What's something you wish you could understand better - why things cant just be the way i wnat them
[ x ] Anyone you miss that you haven't seen in a long time - my mommy =0(
[ x ] What's one thing you want to make happen? - want *someoen* to feel the same way i do..

this weekend.. was pretty fun. hung out friday w/ bur.. it was fun til all the drama started. then i just wanted to come home so i did.
Saturday.. worked til 12:30 then went out w/ emm to brandon's house and partied over there.. that was a lot of fun.
Today.. worked 12-7.. then planned on the possibility that i might get to see eric.. and i was excited. buuuuut things change.. =0/ surprise surprise. i understand why.. but i have forgotten what its like to be w/ someone who wants to see me as much i want to see them.
maybe/hopefully we'll hang out tomorrow nght?? but i wont hold my breath on that one...

so now... im just sittin around in my comfy clothes.. watchin tv prolly.. i'll most likely be in bed early tonight.. since i have no reason to stay up now.. *sigh*

goodnight

Yeah so this week was enjoyable. Monday had dinner with jaclyn and then hung out.. Tuesday hung out w/ Audra.. then Mike.. then Emmily over at Ricky's with a bunch of the guys. Yesterday.. spent some time w/ my lova.. =0).. went shopping.. then snack shopping and watched tv and ate ice cream.. oh how i love him.. today i had to work.. tomorrow i have off and its gonna be a fun night. goin out for dinna.. then to the play.. then OUTTIE to some parties for the night!!!!! sOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO excitd!! hehe.

oh yeah.. i have to get a new engine put in my car.. hmm.. so as for right now.. im car less.. =0/

im outtie kiddos.. <3

HAPPY ST. PATTYS DAY

yeah so im pretty sure this week might be one of the best i've had in awhile.. here are my plans so far.. tonight i went out w/ jaclyn.. first time in like forver! tomorow im goin over to audra's and hangin out w/ her.. wednesday im hangin out w/ eric then maybe goin to the grill.. friday dinner w/ kim then out to the play and a fun night w/ the bur-meister! =0) i havent had so many friendly encounters in one week since.. well we wont go there. haha! yeah well im gonna go try and watch some tv.. finish this project that was due thursday.. and go to bed.. (after i talk to *someone*).. have a good week kids!!!

<3

soo happy for heather and samson.. Addison Leigh was born at 12:23 this morning and she is PERFECT!! she has a full head of hair and is just gorgeous. i missed hte whole birth.. but i walked in the door 2 minutes after she came out. all i know is that im so happy for all of them. =0)

work 12-7 tonight.. then im off mon-wed.. it'll be a nice little break.

i have lots of free time to spend with Addy and Heather =0) hehe

im hoping that he remembered that he agreed that we could hang out tonight.. but with the way things are going.. i prolly wont see him til later this week.. just cuz thats the wya it is now. =0/

well later lovers!
<3

I HATE MY LIFE.

I WANT OUT.

IM SICK OF FEELING LIKE I MEAN NOTHING. TO EVERYONE.

=0(

</3

i know ive said this so many times before.. but im for real this time. I'm gonna back off and not call him or ask to hang out. because it gets me nowhere.. and honestly its apparently just pushing him away more than anything else. I loved it in florida cuz i didnt have to compete with his friends. now its back to me being pushed to the back again. so.. im just gonna stop trying so hard.. even though i'll prolly hardly see or talk to him .. =0/

last night was fun.. me and emm went to the grill. we danced ourselves out but it was worth it. i love my emmy. we also hung out w/ sara before we went.. too bad she couldnt go with us.. =0(

well.. i have to go to work in like an hour.. and ill be there allllllll night.. and prolly just come home since i can never go to eric's anymore cuz he's NEVER home =0(

bye

so tonight.. was kind of busy.. and kind of sucked cuz i was tired all night.

tomorrow will be a well spent day. class.. then home.. then hangin out w/ meh lover <3 then mall with emm then GR to the grill =0)

im soo looking forward to it. it will be a good night

sooo im just sittin around relaxing right now.. should take those movies to blockbuster.. hmm... maybe some haagen dacz?? soundin good!!!

<3 later lovaz

so yesterday was ok.. until i had an almost emotional breakdown. right before work. thats never fun. =0/.

after work i went to ihop with eric and all his buddies. that was a good time.

i hate when ppl think im pist or in a bad mood.. when its only because certain days are harder than others.. and last night iw as just using all my strength to stop myself from crying in front of everyone. For some reason .. yesterday i missed her a lot more than previous days.

today i had school then dr's appt.. which by the way went well thank god =0). i have to work @ 6.. yuck!

BuT.. i have tomorrow off =0) Im goin to the mall and to GR w/ emm. Im pretty sure Donna and Holly and ppl are going to the grill as well.. that should be a pretty swell time. im lookin forward to just goin out again =0)

uhm.. yeah so im gonna go sleep.. and wait for dinner to come.. then go to work.

Yeah... so i just got home from work like 15 minutes ago.. and im super bored. im not very tired.. just al ittle but not a lot. work was slow and boring today.

eric came over this morning when right when i woke up. that was a surprise. =0) we hung out til i left for work. i got pictures developed from our trip.. yeah w'ere dorks when it comes to taking pictures.

i work tomorrow and tuesday.. then i have wednesday off. hopefully heather has her baby.. that will make me happy if she does. =0) if not she'll have to hold her in unitl my next day off. haha.

well later kidds.. <3

yeah.. soooo dont wanna go to work in 20 minutes BUT i have to.. BLAH! it was nice to sleep in my own warm bed.. but i miss waking up next to *someone*.. hmm..

i talked to heather today.. she might have the baby on wednesday. that would be PERFECT cuz i have that night off. she said i can be in the room with her if i want. =0) i definitely wanna be in there when that little girl is going to be born!!!!!! hehe

it was weird to come back home.. it was like while i was on the plane i thought that i would come home and come back to normal. but it wasnt like that at all. i was still expecting my mom to welcome me home with a big hug and asking all the mom questions that i got every other time i went someplace w/o her. but i didnt. of course my dad was here and everything. but its not the same.

i miss coming home and sitting downa nd telling her ALL the exciting stuff that i did.. or how much fun i had. But maybe everything went so perfect there because she was watching over me.. maybe she just knows how much fun i had. =0/ i dont know. i miss her though. LOTS.

well time for work.. later kiddos

yeah so florida was flippin awesome! we stayed in big ritzy hotels.. who treated us like we were as high up as all the rich people who stayed there. we went to Coral Gables, we stayed in cocnout grove, did some shopping, ate some good food.. went to SOUTH BEACH.. =0) rented a little moped and drove around south beach for a few hours. we went to the seaquarium and saw dolphins and whales and stuff. walked around a lot. pretty much had an awesome spring break! <3 <3 <3 Glad I spent it with Eric =0) Oh yeah we went to this big arcade place that was at a 3 story high mall.. it was like an outside mall.. it was cool. Took taxis about everywhere.. thats where all our moneys went. Oh well.. it was worth it. the plan is to go next spring break and stay on south beach.. yup lets do it!
well its been a long day.. lots of flying and such.. soooo im gonna go to sleep in my nice warm bed..

i miss the 80 degree weather though.. hum de dum...

back to work n such.. goodnight <3